My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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