Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
