So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize