if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
