plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
