I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
