Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
