Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
