I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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