dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
