I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
