hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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