I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
