Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
