What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
