remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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