Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I think my vagina is haunted
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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