Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize