I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
sex in a hospital.. check
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
