We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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