so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
love makes seman taste better
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
