so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It's never too late to be topless.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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