he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
