note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
