Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
