Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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