One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Drunk is not a location!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
