Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
