went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
