Ambien. No doubt about it.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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