and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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