When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
