Got a toothbrush?
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
