Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
