Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
