Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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