my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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