super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
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