how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
