Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
