Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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