bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
