She's JV to your varsity
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
