Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
