My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
