Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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