And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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