I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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