so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
