I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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