people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
