wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
