can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
