____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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