why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
