yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Randomize
