I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
