I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
