no, he came in my armpit
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm passing your future prison.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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