im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
