I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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