she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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