Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
And then he peed in my hair
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
