let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
