Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
