he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Randomize
