Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
