apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
